i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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