My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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