summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
