Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
