You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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