you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
