in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
