I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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