Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
