you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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