Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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