i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
