Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
