im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
