My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
