I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
