I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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