Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
