Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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