period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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