You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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