In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize