I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
