and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
