thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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