honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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