i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize