It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
