Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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