Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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