does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize