he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mom said you looked used
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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