Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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