And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
