Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
