so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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