Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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