Having a random hookup so left but love u
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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