you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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