I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
