Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
