If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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