i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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