Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
