hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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