Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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