Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize