Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
