Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
