I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
