it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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