you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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