I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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