trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize