im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
