I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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