I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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