im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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