I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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