I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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