R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
