If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
