She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
