I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
