The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
