I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So much rum. So many feels.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
