He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
