Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize