I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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