I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
