my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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