So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
