Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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