Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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