all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
