I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize