she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
