I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
