hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
