You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
