I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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