sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize