woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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