Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
