just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
