I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
