I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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