i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
