You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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