No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize