the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
