ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
