dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
