This is not my ceiling
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You were trust falling into bushes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
