Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
