I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
