Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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