hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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