Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
