The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
