dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
