Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
