too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
