HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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