I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
