I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I will pee on everything he values.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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