i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
